Rants of a Self-Proclaimed Writer
When it comes to writing, my first experience was writing my name during my kindergarten days. In fact, writing is just an inevitable part of my life. Same as reading, I am lazy doing this thing. I really don’t want to see myself writing such things which do not help me wash the dishes. Essays are the least activity I’m into. In short, I am just a girl who doesn’t have anything to do when I was younger.
But, being exposed to many reading materials online, I am now interested in writing, as well as reading. Reading became my hobby when I took a subject on Developmental Reading. Although I read short stories when I was in high school, reading novels and other books which I considered so boring and long was not my hobby. It’s just something to do because my English teacher told me to do so. But then, I realized that reading is indulging myself into a new world. When I read, I feel like I’m an outcast from reality. These kinds of thoughts and realizations made me read more.
So how was my reading connected with my interest in writing? After I read books, I dreamed of writing my own story. I consider myself to be hopeless romantic that’s why I started to write a love story. It’s kinda cliché because the plot is just about a young girl and a seminarian. Yeah. Since I spend my weekends in church, I expected myself to be writing this kind of stuff.
I posted my first ever story on Wattpad.com. It’s a site for young and aspiring writers who want their works to be read by readers on that site. At first, I never longed for readers on my work. Every day, I update my stories. I don’t give a damn even if my stories aren’t read. As long as I am happy, I update it.
However, this enthusiasm did not last. Competition on that site is present. And as a young writer, I aimed at having thousands of fans. I even wanted to have lots of readers to appreciate my work. Hah. These were the things that I wanted. In short, I wanted ‘fame’.
I’m thankful that I realized that fame was not my main goal in writing. Fame is just a bonus after completing ever chapter of my story. Fame is just something that should not be expected. It won’t make you happy. I tell you. I’m grateful that I did not become famous. At least, I received an adorable number of fans. I’m happy with that. I also meet friend which shares the same thoughts as mine. I am really blessed.
Although it’s been two years since I started writing, I confess that there are times that I compare myself to other successful writers. These are the writers who have already published their books. These are the writers who received awards for their works. I feel envious about those. How about me? Sometimes, I feel that I am not a writer. Maybe I should let myself think that I am just a ‘frustrated writer’ ‘forever’.
Moreover, I still wonder why there are some people who say that they like my work. There are some who say that they envy me being a writer. In fact, I do not even consider myself a writer. I consider myself as an individual who just writes, the same way as a child starts writing his name.
As of now, I can’t write anything. My Creative Writing subject requires me to do many writings before the semester ends, but here I am, sharing my rants. I do not even know if someone reads it. I do not know.