My last confession was two months ago. It was my way of preparing myself for Lent. But then, I wasn’t able to confess regularly. I became too busy preparing for our requirements for clearance. I exhausted all my strength in completing tons of paper works. When I say tons, it was really tremendous piles of documents needed to be filled out and submmited before the dealine. Not submitting this could lead us to poverty for the next two months.
Since I was probationary 2 that time, I didn’t have an income for the month of May. School’s policy, for your info. Thinking about this, I decided to find some ways on how to earn that time. I got myself involved in our school’s summer classes. I searched for freelance works. I even worked as an editor and proofreader for some of my writer-friends. My summer was filled with workloads. And of course, I thanked God for this opportunities.
However, because of those loads, I neglected some of my duties in our parish. I wasn’t able to attend our monthly meetings. I ignored some of our formations. I had attended Sunday Masses, but I did this just to compensate my guilt. There were series of Sunday activities in our parish but I didn’t help.
At first, it was nothing for me because I fully trusted my fellow youth ministers. I excused myself believing I must concentrate more on my due research paper. But, this was the thing I must regret doing. I excused myself because of these invalid reasons. I left Sunday meetings, and my regular confession. Fame and money were two most important things for me before.
Time came that I felt exhausted. I did feel total darkness. My heart stopped beating. I even asked myself if I was still happy.
Unfortunately, the things that made me busy didn’t make me joyful and satisfied.
So, on one random day, I left our school early. I arrived home at 5:30 PM. I decided to attend Mass. It was a surprise, probably, for my spiritual directress, because that’s the only weekday that I attended Mass again. We talked. I shared my feelings, and reflections. She told me that I should find light in times of darkness. Even if there’s only little light, I should search for it.
The only thing that could help me find light is through confession. I brought myself back to Pasig Cathedral, had my confession, and rosary. I cried while praying to God, while asking for forgiveness.
Through confession, I am healed, renewed, and changed.
It is a ten-minute activity that can change someone’s life. Hence, if you’re feeling in pain, doubt, and darkness, seek the light. Our sins lead us away from God, but confession pulls us back closer to Him. God is always present. He just waits for us. All you need is to seek Him.
May your life be filled with light,